Updated: Sep 8
When there is so much turmoil in the world, there is one thing we must do. Dig deep, soul search and be still.
Finding some stillness within your own practice can be challenging and although we know we should do less, we still often end up doing more; especially the mundane stuff. We know we could do more meaningful things, the kind that actually makes a difference to us and to our wellbeing, but somehow we still end up doing the chores we feel we need to do and less of the wonderful things that could make a real difference to our state of being.
I'm so guilty of that. I tend to potter around when I have time to myself, when I'm not working, instead I'll be cleaning or clearing and moving things back to their place, going for a walk or just finding ways to not do the things that I am supposed to do, like avoiding doing bookkeeping or a nagging tax return, because it's also my procrastinating to avoid the void, to avoid the feeling. I would say I might have undiagnosed ADD (without the hyper) so I love being busy, I love instagram feeds because of how fast I can scroll through it, appreciating the images, I'm a visual person, but also to get as many impressions as possible. I can only imagine the havoc it runs in my brain. Avoiding the void, ring a bell?
3 weeks ago, my back started to play up again, by the end of week 2, nagging pain as well as a sharp pain every time I bent forward, lifted something or stood up from sitting. I couldn't do anymore and I noticed that it was quite uncomfortable having to rely on everyone else and said to myself, this is not what I want, I want and need to be well and able. So I thought, that's it, it's time to reflect, to see what is happening in my body and in my life. What is causing this pain, this feeling and although meditation is my go to practice for situations like these, I just needed a hand.
For me the one thing that profoundly helps, is Craniosacral therapy. I find it life changing. I suffer from sacroiliac joint pain (where one side is locked tight and all the muscles are literally screaming from tightness and the other side being quite loose, creating an imbalance in my pelvis, probably massively exacerbated by the sitting with my legs crossed, no not like a perfect yogi, but sitting in front of a computer one leg over the other; which I do all the time!
This injury is not fun, no injury is fun, but it is there and sometimes it is there to teach us something. This one has been with me for a long time. I would have said it came from dancing, followed by having kids, but it actually went back much deeper, further into my history. During the CS session I found my trigger.
I found the point in my life when this instability was created and allowed my body to become an expression of this unstable (darker) part in myself.
It's not always comfortable to dig so deep, you need to be ready for it. But I was ready and it was so very worth it. And best of all, it's cleared it... I still have to be careful, of course, but no more constant nagging, sharp shooting pain and hopefully I can keep it like that.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Remind yourself that you don't have to fix everything today, you don't have to be there for everybody all the time and prioritise yourself before everyone else, truth is though, I can be a bit forgetful when it comes to that at times too.... But even if I take 5 minutes to just absorb, listen and breathe I feel so much better, more connected, more productive and generally more alert.
I hope you can find some time to sit and take a few breaths for yourself by yourself. Place your hands palms down on your belly and sit with it and feel what is truth for you right now, perhaps even allow yourself to explore the parts within you that have collected a pile of dust, that stop you from seeing how things are truly to be for you.
Stillness; Noun. (countable and uncountable, plural stillnesses) The quality or state of being still; quietness; silence; calmness; inactivity. Habitual silence or quiet; taciturnity. From YourDictonary.
For you are unique, you are incredible, you are you, don't doubt yourself.
I'm sending you my love and I'm sending wishes for a more peaceful world.