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What do you long for?

The longing I talk about here, is almost like an inner dialogue between me and “god”. It’s not so much materialistic, it goes deep. It's searching for inspiration. In Spirit. Meaning full ways of living my life.

I remember having many conversations with my mum about god. I also remember many conversations I’ve had with god. Only my god, isn’t the kind who tells you what you can or can’t do. My god is a feeling, an energy. My mum never said, don’t believe in god, but she did step out of the catholic church for many reasons and she wanted to leave it up to me to decide what I would like to believe or not to believe. I am grateful to her for that.

My god is not a man with a long white beard, my god is probably a goddess (if she had a sex at all) and my goddess would probably resemble the vastness of the night sky, she is mother nature, she is the universe and she is everywhere. My goddess is a connection I have felt since I was little, although I just couldn’t put it into a sentence.

I love to be in nature, to connect to that energy of one-ness. But nature does not altogether come natural to me. I have never lived completely in nature. I grew up in a city. There is an inner longing to be one with nature and I tap into this when I meditate. Sometimes the things we long for, come around in a different form than we had wished for. Sometimes they appear when we least expect them.

Having lived in a very busy city, I realise you need to check in all the time, otherwise you can just loose it, stress takes over. I regularly ask myself; am I coming from personality here, is this really what I want? Am I just wanting to fit in, to be cool / fun / clever / daring / brave / admirable person or is it so that I can feel accepted? Do I really need this, that and the other? Which part in me wants all this?

Of course I can’t keep that dialogue of checking-in, going on all the time, but it has become important for me, to check-in. Being on a journey is not for everyone, but it doesn’t have to be a huge thing either. Small steps. Check in.

I do feel we are in a time where we all are being propelled fast forward into finding new ways. We have to. The world around us as we know it is rapidly changing and probably we will find new ways to cope with this change. Probably our human nature will find ways to survive. We are change after all, we are nature. And nature changes all the time.

Small steps. Check in.


Keep doing what you’re doing until the day, you don’t fancy doing that anymore, until you are tired of the glitter and the fluff or whatever it is you have become tired of. The yoga journey propels us to change, but it is not necessarily a quick job, it can take years, even a lifetime. But however long it will take me, I’m glad to be on the road less travelled, the road going inwards. It’s not an easy road, but it is revealing and I feel here my longing for nature is being reciprocated.

When I am out in nature I feel a strong pull, i’m perhaps more at one with myself and there is less conflict. I feel more connected and at ease, like nothing else matters, I’m alive. The chit-chat lessen and I’m compelled to focus on my breath. I think especially for those of us who live or have lived in cities, we need to make time to get out there and explore, we are subjected to noise and external influences all the time that we actually can completely loose ourselves, we loose our sense of Self.

For those still in the city, meditation becomes a vital tool to help switch off from all that noise and from all those external influences.

The mind is always drawn to something that will give it greater satisfaction; it’s like a bee that, seeking nectar, moves from one flower to the next.” ~ Alistair Shearer’s translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali

Meditation doesn’t have to be just sitting still in a cross legged position, there are of course many ways we can meditate. Some walk in nature, some concentrate on a mantra, there is also chanting; the yoga of devotion Bhakti and yes we can also sit down to meditate. Some Buddhists meditate with open eyes and use their focus to help by-pass the vision until it turns inwards. I personally close my eyes and take my awareness to my breath.

Every Wednesday evening I'm teaching a meditation class via zoom, open to all levels. 7pm UK/ 8pm Europe

Real change comes from within, for any change into a new state of being is the result of the fullness of nature unfolding inherent potential

~ Alistair Shearer’s translation of the Yoga Sutras Here is to listening to our hearts and flowing with our nature.



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